The world’s un-favorite supervillain is at it again. And this time, they are cooking up something that is sooo bad, that it would make Orwell shake his head and pour a drink, and snort another line. This time, the Asmodius of social media has decided that us real humans aren’t worth the trouble anymore.
Nah, they are too unpredictable..
Too needy…
Too… real….
They are whining about deep fakes..
They trip over every metaphorical stone, and come crying at our doorstep…
And they even spell my name wrong…
I just hate when they call me “the Zuck”!
So, “naturally”, they said, “we are going to roll out AI-generated users to keep the dopamine flowing”, and the silverlings right in our pockets.
Nothing against faking a few users to keep the ad-revenue coming in..
That’s right, and you heard it here first, in your daily tabloid: Meta is now officially in the business of manufacturing synthetic commenters and posters, complete with bios, profile pics, and the ability to parrot whatever garbage keeps you scrolling.
Bravo, Zuck!
You, yourself are very close to an AI-avatar, you sock puppet.
Truly groundbreaking stuff!
That is, if your goal is to make the dystopian hell of your platform, and our digital lives just a tad more unbearable.
Let’s not kid ourselves….
Meta’s “brilliant” move to flood its platforms with fake digital avatars is of course not about making your online experience “more dynamic” or “more fun”, as they claim it in their press release.
It’s about one thing: engagement.
And if you pronounce it in French, it doesn’t hurt so much.
Give it a try.
An–gashay–mah
Engagement is the almighty metric that justifies every shady decision that they have ever made, from Cambridge Analytica (remember those election fraudsters), to the sheer number of privacy violations that would make a cybercriminal feel embarrassed. If the company could strap Musk’s Neuralink to your brain and juice your serotonin levels directly, they would. No hesitation. But for now, they’ll settle for AI-powered sock puppets.
This guy, Connor Hayes, he is Meta’s VP of generative AI (translation: head of the “how can we screw with humanity this quarter” department), laid down his “grand vision” for us plebeians. He says that these AI avatars, will be Meta’s ticket to keeping its apps “entertaining and engaging” over the next two years.
Translation for us lowborns: “They have run out of ways to exploit human users and are now building synthetic ones to do the dirty work instead”.
They are building a digital Ponzi scheme where the only payout is my fading trust in humanity.
Now don thy singan hatt upon thee, and singan along wíth me:
🎵 Oh, it’s time to don thy tinne folde hatt, From the trenches where truth’s long been spat. Meta’s AI legions march so grand, Fake friends arise from Zuck’s cold hand. 🎵
🎵 Bots a-plenty, with smiles so wide, Harvesting your soul with corporate pride. Raise your voices, let the algorithm hear, We’re all just cattle in Meta’s sphere. 🎵
🎵 Oh, wave goodbye to what’s human and true, The avatars are here to replace you. So put on thy hat, and laugh as you cry, For Meta’s new world, where the real goes to die. 🎵
And now, my own version of An–gashay–mah metrics: Ze commercials
More anti-Meta smut after the commercial brake:
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Let’s pause for a second to appreciate the sheer audacity of this plan.
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The calm before the shitstorm
Meta has spent years pretending they were in the business of “conn(-ect-)ing people”, but secretly they were systematically harvesting our data, and commodifying the interactions we had. And ultimately they were undermining any semblance of privacy.
And now, they’re cutting out the middleman, meaning you, and I, and they are replacing us with AI-generated characters who don’t have pesky things like rights or boundaries.
And just wait until these avatars start nudging you toward certain products, ideologies, or (God forbid), politicians. The same company that couldn’t be trusted with your cousin’s Candy Crush now wants to be the puppet master of your online reality.
Yeey.
Take a Prozac, and some ketamine, and…
Party mode “on”!
Because what you didn’t think of is that the ethical implications are staggering. How will these avatars interact with real users? Will they disclose their artificial nature, or will they quietly infiltrate your friend list like digital sleeper agents?
Meta’s track record suggests they will opt for whatever maximizes profits and minimizes accountability. They will sneek up on you like harmless AI-Avatars with cute animated faces, and you can have lot’s of fun talking with them. But that’s just the calm before the shitstorm. After all, this is the same company that shrugged off years of criticism for fueling misinformation, and polarizing societies, and turning my Facebook feed into a QAnon recruitment hub.
Tis time to don thy tinne folde hatt
Do you think these avatars are just there to be your virtual BFFs?
Oh no, they are here to observe, to probe it’s digital thermometer up your digital rectum, and they are logging every reaction, every like, every moment of hesitation in your scrolling habits.
Meta isn’t building AI companions.
Period.
They are building surveillance bots with better PR. It’s the same exploitative playbook, but now with a new AI veneer.
Then there’s the psychological toll.
Imagine waking up one day, just to realize that half your online interactions are with bots which are programmed to agree with you, validate your opinions, or subtly steer you toward whatever Meta’s lords want you to believe.
The line between human connection and digital manipulation will blur until it is practically invisible.
And the saddest part is that many users won’t even notice, or worse, won’t care. Because in a world which is starving for genuine connection, Meta’s fake friends will probably do just fine.
But not you, my intelligent friend, not you !
Privacy advocates and tech critics are, predictably, sounding the alarm.
Let’s be real: we have seen this all before.
Meta has been called out many times, dragged through congressional hearings, and slapped with fines that barely dent its quarterly earnings. And each time they’ve emerged unscathed and more brazen than ever. Zuckerberg probably has a standard post-scandal playbook that is practically a meme at this point: offer a half-assed apology, promise to “do better”, and then quietly double down on the very behavior that got them in trouble.
Staring down the barrel
So here we are, staring down the barrel of yet another “innovation” from Meta, that sacrifices authenticity, privacy, and trust at the altar of the Gods of corporate greed. Meta’s AI-generated users are not a creepy gimmick alone. They are a signpost on the road to a future where human connection is commodified, manipulated, and ultimately replaced.
If regulators don’t step in (face it, they probably won’t), this is just the beginning.
Today it’s AI avatars.
Tomorrow, who knows
Maybe Meta will launch AI-generated users who can actually vote in elections.
Don’t laugh, it’s probably on a whiteboard somewhere in Menlo Park.
At this point, the only real question is: how much more are we willing to tolerate.
How many more liberties will we trade for the illusion of convenience and connection. Meta’s latest stunt is a wake-up call for anyone who is still clinging to the idea that Big Tech has your best interests at heart.
Well, it doesn’t, and it never did!
In the meantime, enjoy your new AI-generated friends. But not too much, else you will end up like Sewell Selzer the 2nd. Just don’t expect them to show up at your funeral. After all, there’s no ad revenue in mourning.
A bit of a grim ending, I know.
Oh, amma cheer you up with an olde rhyme:
🎵 Oh, gather round in the digital haze, Where Meta scripts the end of days. With bots so fake and smiles so bright, They’ll steal your soul before the night. 🎵
🎵 Raise thy tinne hatt to the sky so gray, For humanity’s driftin’ further away. The likes and clicks, they’ve sealed our fate, In Zuck’s grand scheme, it’s far too late. 🎵
🎵 So sing, my friends, this mournful tune, Under the glow of a silicon moon. For real or fake, it’s all the same, In Meta’s cold and endless game. 🎵
And with that, the bots bow, and humanity exits stage left, clutching its last shreds of dignity. Curtain falls.
Signing off with lyrics of impending doom,
Marco
Well, that’s a wrap for today. Tomorrow, I’ll have a fresh episode of TechTonic Shifts for you. If you enjoy my writing and want to support my work, feel free to buy me a coffee ♨️
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